Forgiveness

I have been struggling with forgiving someone in my family for a long time. I choose to forgive this person, but I have never been able to actually forgive. I sought the Lord about my dilemma, because I know that He would have me to forgive this person, too. Today He gave me a scripture out of Luke 17:1-4. It was then I realized that I have never confronted and rebuked this person and shared how offended I was about the event that occurred which offended me. Instead, I have been harboring feelings of ill will, embarrassment, shame and humiliation, anger and mistrust. I have tried my best to get over it and forget it, but every time I have had contact with this person, it would arise in me like the serpent that it is. And we know how unholy that is! The Word says that to be forgiven myself, I must forgive those who have hurt me. It's easier said than done. So I have been asking the Lord for a long time, what should I do?

When He showed me this scripture today, He told me to write to this person, using this scripture. I was to confront and rebuke this person, and confess my own shortcomings in the area of unforgiveness. So I did it. Because I am in the autumn of my life, I am keenly aware of the need to get all my ducks in a row before I transition into God's Kingdom. And not forgiving someone will stop you short. Having put off doing this for so many years, now that it's done, I feel really good about it. I feel a whole lot freer than I did an hour ago! What this person does now is not up to me. But I sure do feel better now that I have gotten it out! And if there is repentance, the forgiveness will follow, no problem. I'm sure of it. I feel that even now, after my own confession, that forgiveness is here, whether repentance comes or not from this person. God knows I did my part, as He instructed me.

Why is it that we let these things fester in us for so many years? Unwillingness to confront a person with a wrongdoing has always been hard for me, unless I get really, really angry. In retrospect, I am the one who has suffered all these years, not that person. Except for the lack of a good relationship with me. So why did I wait so long? Sometimes I think it is because we have to be "ready" to understand ourselves, to want to see the shortcomings in our own lives, which we did not want to see at an earlier point. Or that we could not  have faced it head on like we should. Sometimes God has to deal with us through circumstances in order to prepare us for what we need to do. Boy, I sure am glad He is the one in control and not me! And I am so thankful for His never-ending Love and so thankful to always be

Under His Wings